The Ultimate Fourth Trimester Checklist and Guide
My fourth trimester expectations, which I thought were everything I needed, turned out to be the lowest expectations I could have set for this season. I thought about diapers, wipes, some outfits, and a few meals to get through the first week. There were many questions I did not ask before entering the fourth trimester with my little one.
These are basic questions extended out into specifics. However, these are questions that my pregnant brain did NOT think of asking. Look at the questions, thoroughly read through them, and make sure you take time to give them proper answers.
Use these 6 general questions to act as your checklist and guide to be ready and prepared for the fourth trimester.
1. Who’s cooking in the fourth trimester?
Whether it will be you, your husband, your mom, or a food train, make sure you know the steps to remain fed throughout this season.
- Where are the groceries coming from?
- Am I in charge of groceries, or am I delegating this task?
- What is best for me to eat during this season?
- Do I want to make a bunch of food and freeze it before the baby arrives?
- How can this process be automated so we don’t have to stress about it?
- What backup plan is in place if groceries and cooking are forgotten?
2. What do I want my home to look and feel like?
Take some time to evaluate the hygiene of your home and what you feel is sustainable to maintain. There is no judgment in this question. Your home doesn’t have to be spotless, but you should plan to ensure that it is a safe environment for your new addition to the family.
- Who is cleaning the house now?
- How will that change when the little one arrives?
- Can I afford a cleaning service?
- What does my cleaning routine look like?
- How can I maintain a gentle routine that also meets my standards of cleanliness?
- Does my partner help clean?
- Do my children pick up after themselves?
- How important is the cleanliness of our home to the other members of the household?
3. Don’t forget your self-care during the fourth trimester!
Postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and mom burnout are very common toward the end of the fourth trimester. Just because this is common, doesn’t mean it should be normal. It isn’t! Mothers deserve to be equipped with the tools they need to take care of themselves, and we simply haven’t been taught how to do that. Don’t ignore self-care like so many moms have, including myself. Don’t put yourself last! If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 1,000 times… Fill. Your. Cup. First!
- What kind of self-care makes you feel the most replenished? (baths, reading, walks, mani-pedi, etc)
- How much time do you need to do these things?
- How can you ensure you are doing at least 30 minutes of rejuvenation activities daily?
- Do you know that taking care of yourself and asking someone else to take care of your child for this time is not selfish?
- Do you believe that taking care of yourself is not selfish?
- Are you praying or meditating daily?
- Does journaling help you process stress?
- What does your daily and weekly self-care routine look like now?
- What do you want your self-care routine to look like in the fourth trimester?
4. The fourth trimester can be draining, when are you going to rest?
It can be so easy to get caught up in all of the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and life in general that sleep gets put on the back burner. But I urge you to do your research on how important sleep is for yourself, your family, and your baby. Getting 7 to 9 hours of sleep per day can help your body work optimally. I know as a new mother you may not be getting uninterrupted sleep for a while. Be sure to take time to ask questions about how you can share these “middle of the night” tasks with your partner.
- On average, how long do I sleep consecutively at night?
- Is this enough sleep? Do I feel rested and ready for the day?
- If this isn’t enough sleep, how can I prioritize getting more?
- Am I the only one doing night feedings and diaper changes?
- Does my husband have a reason that he can’t help do these things?
- How can I ask him to take turns with me? (switch every other night or every other wake)
- Are the wake times excessive?
- Do I need to look into sleep training of some sort for my little one?
- Can I fit in a nap for myself during the day?
5. What does your support system look like?
Mama, this is all about you and what is best for your family. If you need more help from your support system, ask! If you’ve got a nosy aunt, tell her to (respectfully) get lost! This is precious time and you need to evaluate what you want this season.
- Do you want this season full of people, or do you want it quiet and peaceful?
- What are my expectations for this season?
- Who do I see standing next to me during this time?
- Who can be a safe place for me to land when I’m in a rough place?
- Can I effectively communicate with these people?
- Can I set boundaries with the people around me and with strangers who are unaware of my boundaries?
- Who can I look up to during this season? Who are my role models? What moms do I know (in person/social media) that inspire me?
- Can I hold myself accountable to the standards that I have set?
- Can the people I have chosen to be around hold me accountable to the standards I’ve set?
- Is my medical staff supportive and respectful?
- Is my family supportive and respectful?
6. Keeping the spark alive in the fourth trimester.
The fourth trimester is NOT the place your marriage should go to die, but sometimes it feels that way, and for some that is when it happens. You are both sleep-deprived, thrown out of your usual rhythm, have been on a hiatus of “physical intimacy”, and you both have seen the mother’s body do miraculous (but surprisingly gross) things. It’s been a massive change as well as a challenge to find a new groove. Remember, it doesn’t have to stay that way!
- What do my partner and I need from each other? Comfort? Space? Communication?
- How can we take our relationship to a deeper level in this season without physical intimacy?
- What do we need to do to have a date night every two weeks?
- What does a date night look like? Who can watch the baby so we can go out to dinner?
- Are we being honest with each other about how we are feeling? Are we covering up with “I’m fine” or “It’s just like this right now”?
- How can we talk about our feelings and strengthen each other during this season?
- Are we kissing, holding hands, and showing signs of attraction to one another?
- What do we want our relationship to look like as we move into the next phase of parenthood?
I hope this checklist and guide will help you design your fourth trimester! Feel free to contact me with any comments or questions.
Until next time,
Audye
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