Dear Husband, You’re Actually Not That Bad.
Dear Husband,
After careful consideration, 10 hours of sleep, and 24 hours alone with you, I’ve concluded that I don’t have negative feelings about you like I initially thought. And actually, I think you’re pretty cool.
With love,
Your Wife
It felt like no matter what we did, we were just angry with each other.
Sometimes life just says “no” to positivity even when you’re doing really well.
In the last few years, my husband and I have made many improvements in our mindset and marriage. We seldom fight or become frustrated with each other anymore, but for some reason, we hadn’t been on the same page for a while and it was taking a toll on both of us. I knew he was frustrated over little things, I knew I was frustrated over silly situations. We even talked about it and yet couldn’t get out of the cycle of “bleh” we were in. I could practically feel the resentment building.
We stayed stuck in the monotony of everyday life. Long work days, short nights, and then back at it again the following week. We phased in and out of making time for ourselves and each other, but recently we haven’t been able to make anything stick. We hadn’t been in this state of ickyness in a while and both of us wanted out of it.
The biggest issue was that we weren’t connecting because we were not making time for ourselves and each other. We needed more space and time, not just an hour before bedtime on our exhausting days to talk about deep things and connect. How in the world are we supposed to connect when we can’t find the time or energy? To put it simply, we can’t.
We tried to remedy this by making special at-home dates or going to bed earlier to have time together in the morning. On a few occasions, we even tried to stay up later instead and pray the toddler would sleep in. Spoiler alert: She didn’t!
After a few months of our efforts failing, we called our community and made it happen.
Both of us had been avoiding this because putting it together was HARD. But, we decided we were going to go on a 24-hour date. No kiddo, no work, just he and I together for a magical day. We created an itinerary to fit in everything we wanted, and even though it felt a little scheduled, we knew we needed to make the most of this day.
We started by communicating with grandparents to keep our kiddo, hoping the routines we established would keep her calm while she was there, and then finding time to do it that would align with everyone’s schedules. It took so long to commit. After all, the task is such a heavy burden because everyone has a busy life, especially in the summer!
After the hard work, communication, and decisions were made, we entered the week before our 24-hour Saturday to Sunday date. As life would have it, it also happened to be one of the busiest work weeks we’ve both had in a while.
“No worries, we got this!” We kept telling ourselves… But did we have it?
Wednesday rolled around and I walked into the laundry room to swap the laundry from the washer to the dryer, only to find water covering the entire tile floor. I frantically checked the washer and mop sink looking for the source of the leak, only to find it was in fact, the water heater. Great.
Dear Husband,
Thank you for reminding me that the water heater leaking and cold showers do NOT mean the world is ending. I need a reality check sometimes, and I’m so blessed to have you gently remind me.
With love,
Your Wife
Is this Lent? Nope, just 2 nights of cold showers.
It took us a few days, but we were finally able to get a replacement water heater. Luckily, we only took cold showers for two nights. And because of this penance, I will not be participating in the next Lenten season – I’ve done my time, thanks.
We could have let all of this get to us and just given up on our date completely. I was ready to throw in the towel along with the entire weekend, but instead, we held space for each other and held each other accountable for our decisions. We powered through. My husband and I both have done a lot of personal development work, had this situation happened a few years ago, I would be writing a very different story.
Saturday morning was spent installing our new water heater. We would be dropping our daughter off with her grandparents when she woke up from her nap, so my husband worked to get the plumbing installed and I got our daughter’s bag packed and ready to go.
We dropped her off and returned home to connect the electrical on the water heater and change our clothes prior to going out for dinner. Before leaving, we investigated which breaker would turn off the power to the water heater and none of them did. There is a timer connected to it though, and turning that off killed the power to the wires. So when we got back from dropping her off, I jumped right into wiring the electrical.
As it turns out, when the old unit was uninstalled the timer was moved. And lo and behold I grabbed a live wire.
I was shocked… Like, for real.
Literally, I was shocked. 120 volts in my left pinkie finger left me scared, upset, and furious that we didn’t have the HVAC guy install it for us as we had originally planned.
At this point, I sat on the laundry room floor crying, yelling profanities at the water heater, and was overall distraught. My thought was, “This weekend is ruined” and boy it sure freaking felt like it.
My beautiful husband thought I was joking for a brief moment, but when he realized I wasn’t he rushed to my aid. He apologized when he didn’t need to, and held me as I cussed out the water heater and him (sorry babe) for deciding we could install it ourselves.
Dear Husband,
I’m sorry for cussing at you. The truth is, I really had fun doing this handyman thing with you, despite being unintentionally defibrillated. Thank you for showing up for me and giving me space when I asked. You’re the best.
With love,
Your Wife
What I thought would have been an absolute “mood killer” for the evening actually wasn’t. I composed myself with the help of my husband and a few moments alone. We then continued to get in the car, and when we did it felt like the entire world was lighter.
We ate dinner, got dessert, and returned home to watch a movie. I think sleeping in had to be the best part! I slept 10 hours straight, and since having a child I can’t remember the last time I’d slept that long. We stayed up late to finish the movie, went to breakfast and mass the next day, and truly had a rejuvenating time together.
I’m not sure if it was the unexpected shock or the fact that we missed each other, but after everything I feel like a completely new woman.
What I’ve learned from this entire experience are these two things:
1. You aren’t a victim
You get to choose the outcome you’ll have. Your calendar won’t magically open up, you have to make time. Your attitude around anything that happens has to be aligned with where you want to go in life. If you let getting shocked by electricity ruin your date, that’s your choice.
If what you are doing isn’t working, you have to communicate that and figure it out. Because we took the time to take a break, we are no longer bickering, our sex life has improved, and we are happy and excited to spend time together.
If I had a dime for every time I heard myself, a friend, a family member, or a client talk about how circumstances ruined their good time – I would be in a fantastic financial place and could hire 4 HVAC guys to come set in the water heater. No matter what happens in life, you have the power to harvest the good things from it or wallow in the bad.
2. Do your due diligence
Even if you walk away from the project for a short 5 minutes, check to see if the wire is hot before you touch it.
Dear Husband,
You’re my everything.
I love you,
Your Wife
This post was all about everything I want to say to my dear husband.
Until next time,
Audye
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