The Exhausted Mom Mentality (Part 1)
Before I became a mom, the idea of motherhood was about as offputting as roadkill. I’d seen the mothers around me fully embody “The Exhausted Mom Mentality” to the point of pulling their hair out. The women around me wouldn’t have a single moment for themselves, everything had to revolve around her kids, and if her home wasn’t spotless – she was in, at the minimum, a state of complete mental distress.
As a teen, I felt the stress and competition radiating off of these women. Almost every single mom I knew gave off these vibes, and it did everything but inspire me to be a mother. This life they lived was not something I wanted to copy… But I ended up doing it anyway.
During pregnancy and the first 6 months of my little girl’s life, I immediately fell into the pattern these women had modeled for me. I was tired, defeated, and utterly hopeless. I’d constantly compete with my mom friends, and I glorified neglecting my needs. I embodied a textbook example of an exhausted mom. I couldn’t keep up with the laundry, dinner was never on time, I couldn’t continue breastfeeding, and I felt like I had already failed my child who had barely begun her beautiful life.
Do you suffer from “The Exhausted Mom Mentality”?
You can suffer from this ailment regardless of how many kids you have, or how long you’ve been a mom. The only criterion for this affliction is motherhood itself. If you don’t believe that this is an affliction, this blog probably isn’t the right one for you.
I did what I thought was going to fix this problem of everlasting depletion; I just kept trying. Trying what? Who knows.
I kept forcing myself to have every piece of laundry done, every bottle sanitized, and everything picked up as soon as the child was done with it. This did the opposite of fixing the exhausted mom in me, instead, it pushed me into a deep depression and I hit a new level of rock bottom I had yet to discover.
What I found at this new low, was unpleasant, to say the least.
My self-esteem was practically gone, and the things I said to and about myself remain unrepeatable. I was so angry with my husband and worst of all, I felt like I didn’t want to be a mom anymore.
Ouch.
You can bet I guilted myself for that quite often. It’s still difficult to admit right now, but it was so real, and I know I’m not the only mom to have experienced that. The first thing I did to get out of “The Exhausted Mom Mentality” was eliminate guilt. It is one of the 4 main pillars this affliction sits upon.
All I wanted was to go back in time and just be me again. I didn’t want to be a wife, mother, employee, or anything else. I missed who I was more than anything in the world, and because society says you give up everything for your kids, I thought that meant giving up myself too.
But lucky for us, it doesn’t mean giving up yourself. On the contrary, it’s important to know yourself better than you ever have when you become a mother. It is our job to help our kids know themselves, but we have to teach them by doing.
During the beginning of my journey of being coached, a gigantic mental shift happened in my brain. This idea of knowing myself being an important piece of the puzzle was finally recognized in my mind. I didn’t know who I was, and I couldn’t go back in time to figure it out on my own, so I had to learn how to do that in the present. Coaching was the only tool that helped me out of that deep, dark, depression pit I had spent much time in.
To maintain my new “Rested Mom Mentality” I started by swapping guilt for curiosity, and this is what happened:
- I was able to continually remind myself that maintaining myself was non-negotiable.
- Spending time with myself did not incite guilt.
- If I didn’t find time for myself, I didn’t condemn myself, but instead asked “How can I do this better next time?”
Years after this initial discovery, I have put together a daily routine to implement natural self-discovery into every day. However, when I had just begun, I only had one hour per week. Even though it sounds like a small amount of time (or large if you’re starting from nothing), when you use it right it can serve a giant impact in eliminating “The Exhausted Mom Mentality”.
My challenge to you, my friend the exhausted mom, is to save 1 hour a week for yourself. This is how:
1. What Do You Like?
To achieve this goal of getting rid of “The Exhausted Mom Mentality” and truly finding rest and rejuvenation, you must dive deep into the woman you are. Know her. See her. Feel her.
Use pen and paper, and write out a list of things you enjoy doing. Even if you haven’t done them in years. Mine looks like this:
- Playing the piano
- Writing
- Painting
- Exercising (For fun only! Playing basketball/pickleball)
- Decorating
- Organizing
- Dusting (Weird, I know)
- Watching “Gilmore Girls” (Not a show you like to binge, but one you like to watch)
2. Put It On Your Schedule
Find one day per week that you can spend 1 hour for yourself.
Don’t break up the time, it needs to be consecutive. Pick one of the activities you listed and find a way to do it peacefully. Beginning with something stress-free will help you move to something that may require more brain power to put together.
Key Point: Communicate with your spouse about your needs and what you are going to need to utilize this time for yourself. You can also encourage him to do something for himself if he isn’t already doing so (Men are often ahead of women in this capacity by nature).
3. Be Consistent
Do this for 4 weeks in a row.
No excuses. Didn’t enjoy the activity you chose last week? Choose another.
You want to be excited and looking forward to this hour every single week. This is your opportunity to use your creative brain and design this peaceful and rejuvenating hour however you’d like it to look.
4. Report Your Results
Send me a direct message to my Instagram @coach.audye.gonzalez and begin your message with #ExhaustedMomChallenge.
Tell me all about how this has helped you ditch “The Exhausted Mom Mentality” and begin your journey to becoming a Rested Mom.
Until next time,
Audye
Quit Settling for Less
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