When Who We Are Isn’t Enough
I feel like I touch on many things in these blog posts so far.
Most are deeply rooted in myself, in things I am vulnerable with the world about, and in others, I haven’t been as open.
I feel shame.
Shame is hard to understand, and is very painful to be misunderstood.
In life, in postpartum, in marriage, in motherhood, I’ve found many places and copious amounts of feelings I didn’t want to understand. When I did in fact understand them, they hurt.
When they hurt, something is growing. Those are facts and good things. But it doesn’t take away the hurt in the moment.
I’ve still sat in the face of grief, shame, and fear, all of which are looking at me to decide where we are going next.
Why do we have to sit in this place?
Why do we have to feel these feelings?
Why?
I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer.
Some of us are born with families, genetics, or other influences, that are going to determine our odds of developing these issues. Others are toppled into the pit by trauma. Things outside of their control.
Why do we force ourselves to trust people and things outside our control?
Why do we allow ourselves to be subject to the views and opinions of others?
Everything talked about here, in a perfect storm, sets us up for gut-wrenching disappointment.
I, for one, am very familiar with this feeling.
I have trauma from it.
I work through it and I’m willing to bet you do too.
As Brene Brown says, we view shame as trauma, and how many times have you been shamed by something?
How many times have you been shamed postpartum because you “aren’t doing enough” or you “aren’t breastfeeding long enough” or “you didn’t try hard enough” at sleep training/tummy time/keeping up with the housework?
Why are you accepting the people that love you to shame you into doing something better? Or using it as a form of discipline?
YOU Should NOT.
Shame kills addicts.
We are all addicted to something.
This is going to sound like a rant, I know that, but there is no other way to express the atrocity that shaming people truly is.
It is something some people never recover from. For others, it can take years. Why do that to someone?
Forgive. Heal. Learn.
Move to the next step, set boundaries, and remind yourself of who you really are.
I’m with you along the way, if you need help, click this link.
Until next time,
Audye
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