God’s Lesson: The Shattered Glass Shade
If you are interested in being inspired by God’s providence, you’ve found the right blog.
A few weeks ago, my beautiful one-year-old advanced to another development stage. This means she is learning, growing, happy, and healthy. The old things she loved have become a little boring and she is looking for something new. Seeing her grow up and change has made me look at her with even more awe and wonder than before. How awesome is our God that we get to witness His creations become who they were created to be? She was once tiny in my womb, and now I see her running, playing, and climbing all over things. This is truly one of the greatest things about being a parent.
To support her through these everchanging phases, my husband and I keep rotating toys and identifying her favorites. We also have a Pikler for her to safely climb on with supervision, she has a short couch she can get on, as well as her “big girl” bed that she can get in and out of on her own. We both thought this was all she needed.
Alas, it was not.
I have a 6-foot tall metal floor lamp given to me by my mom that sits to the right of my grandmother’s 1970 Wurlitzer upright piano. I purchased this piano from her at 13 years old for the price of $1. I’m pretty sure the lamp is from Lowe’s, but the marbleized alabaster glass shade was beautiful, the ornate details in the brown metal shone with the light above it, and it was the highlight of my morning alone time with Jesus.
Hence the word “was”.
I have a kind and responsible college-aged woman coming to help me out in the afternoons during my work time. This creates a way that I can give intentional time to my blog Settling, nourishing the Rising Tide Fellowship community, and providing the best service I can for my coaching clients. It’s only a few hours, but those few hours are such a blessing – not only for me and my family, but they help me create and maintain the capacity to hold space for the women I serve.
The babysitter was stuck in traffic that day and was running about 15 minutes late. No big deal, right? I decided that I would start unloading the dishwasher, in the room right next to the living room, to not lose any time while we wait for the sitter to get here. I had faith in the baby gates and childproof living room area that Lili could be in on her own without getting in trouble.
This heavy, tall, metal floor lamp made a “ting ting” noise on the brick wall it sits next to. As I hear this, I immediately throw the dishes in my hand on the counter and run 4 feet around the corner to see what is going on. She had never expressed interest in this lamp before, but the familiarity of the noise that the glass made as it tapped the brick wall behind it sent my body into instant panic mode.
The baby gate, so methodically placed to keep her safe inside, also kept me from reaching this situation in time. Rather than Lili breaking the lamp against the brick wall as I thought she would, she decided to push it over. I watched Lili and the lamp fall simultaneously as I desperately lept across the top of the baby gate that was keeping me from her. She didn’t realize she needed to let go of it after she pushed, and in my mind, I can still see her doing a perfect cartwheel as the traumatizing incident threw her body over itself. Perhaps learning to let go or back away during dangerous moments is something she will learn as she goes through her next developmental progression.
The glass lampshade, about 14 inches in diameter, shattered on the ground. All over the safe, childproof area that my husband and I created in the living room.
I had just vacuumed.
My first concern was for Lili of course. I ran to her after I barreled my way over the barrier between us. She was hysterical, the noise that the shattering shade made when it hit the ground was a loud and terrifying pop. I assessed her for injury, cuts, bruises, and scrapes and I found none. Jesus was with us. The impact the shade had on the carpet cut out about an inch of it. C’est la vie.
About 3 minutes after these events unfolded, the sitter arrived, and I spent an hour cleaning up the shattered glass that had ground itself into and destroyed the carpet. During this time, I processed the stages of grief fairly quickly. In the moment this happened, I had assumed the lamp was done and gone, the baby must have been hurt, and the carpet was going to catch fire. This is the worst-case scenario mindset setting in. I was angry for a moment, “Why didn’t I just wait to begin my to-do list until the sitter got here? I could have saved myself all this trouble!”
After my pity excursion…
God reminded me that I didn’t do this on purpose, Lili didn’t know any better, she was okay, and there was no fire to be seen. He gave me permission to avoid guilting, shaming, or blaming myself or my husband for this situation. By some miracle, the lamp is still operational and I’m currently typing by its glow. All is okay.
Lili didn’t care about the lamp 5 minutes ago or for her entire life to my knowledge. It was heavy and not easily moved. I thought it was a fixture in her mind like the walls, baby gates, and couch. Even though I was wrong, He protected us as this unfolded.
I think of this scenario in the way I think God prepares us for things we can’t see. A silent enemy, an unexpected affair, or any situation in which we need new skills to tackle. He knows we may run for the unsecured lamp, having never cared about it before and unsure how to use it properly, but He gives us the free will to do what we wish. No matter how badly we sin, mess up, break apart, or fall away, He is going to jump the barrier we put between us and Him and hold us in His arms. His comfort is magnificent, abundant, and never-ending. We are never alone, even in the scariest and most uncertain times.
If we need to learn to use this lamp, if we need to learn to let go before it breaks, if we need to learn how to govern ourselves and set boundaries, God is going to provide us the space to do so. He already has. He has forgiven us for all of our sins before we committed them, and He is guiding us as we walk down every path—paths that are both new and those that are well-worn and familiar.
Growing forward
Lili is currently climbing on everything with complete confidence. She has learned how to play gibberish on the piano, sit on the couch while having a snack, and get inside her toy basket. How is the lamp, you ask? It is in a safe space behind the baby gates near my desk. It doesn’t have a shade, and it is currently too bright for my liking. Will it have a new shade? Of course. God saved this lamp, and I will spend some time finding a special replacement for it. It will remind us of His presence during this experience, the lessons we learned, and the grace and mercy that He always abundantly gives.
Until next time,
Audye
Quit Settling for Less
If you are a woman who refuses to settle for less than their unique God-given design, book a free 30-minute consultation session with me.
Also, check out The Rising Tide Fellowship and join a multigenerational group of faith-filled and growth-minded women. Free for 60 days!
