The Exhausted Mom Mentality (Part 2)
Well friends, we made it to the end of 2024. Can you believe it?
A few notable things that happened this year include:
- A presidential election
- The Yankee’s getting swept by the Dodgers in the World Series
- The Cowboys failing us once again
- A very memeable Summer Olympics
- Moana 2 released!
- Toy Story 5 announced – can you believe it? How many more will they make?
Suffice to say, this year has brought plenty of changes to our world, some good, some bad. But what has it brought to your life?
For me, it’s brought the following:
- I’m 8 months pregnant with my 2nd child
- My first daughter turned 2
- I’m now a child of divorced parents
- My company has grown 3 times the size it was last year (thanks to you, friend)
- My husband’s company has grown, again!
- We got new aluminum-free cookware, and I don’t think I’ve used anything else more in my life
- I’ve stood up for what is right, regardless of the consequences, perhaps for the first time.
It’s important to call to light our wins because we often stay stuck in our failures. Like I talked about in The Exhausted Mom Mentality (Part 1) I could just as easily tell you twice as many things I didn’t do well, or plain failed at. In order to learn from these things, we have to be able to objectively view ourselves, which can be hard but absolutely necessary if we want to escape the Exhausted Mom Mentality.
So friend, lets talk about what we need to leave behind in 2024 in order to enter 2025 with a Rested Mom Mentality.
Here’s the deal
I first want to express to you the dangers of remaining in the Exhausted Mom Mentality, and specifically how it affects those around you.
We think that by putting off self-care, and choosing not to do the workout or therapy, this is us sacrificing for our families or those we love. But in all truth, it isn’t a sacrifice at all. By putting ourselves last, we fill ourselves up last, leaving us as theoretically perpetually empty cups that we have nothing of value left to give.
Now, I’m not saying if you don’t get weekly manicures you aren’t going to be a good mom – but what I am saying is that putting you off because it costs money you “should” be using for something else isn’t the right reason to do it, nor is it going to help anything.
Sacrificing money for your therapy so your child can play their third sport of the year is not teaching them that you have value, but even worse it’s teaching them that things like therapy are a waste of time. This is why we end up in the exhausted cycle, because we grasp onto a martyr mentality of “sacrificing” ourselves fully for our family, and then can’t figure out why we are completely depleted at every turn.
You’re doing it to yourself, and you’re teaching your family to support you in it.
To break this cycle, we have to swap these 4 pillars of the Exhausted Mom Mentality for their Rested Mom Mentality counterparts.
The 4 Pillars of The Exhausted Mom Mentality and What To Swap Them For
Swap Guilt for Curiosity
Feeling bad that your child can’t play another sport because you need the money for therapy. Instead, ask yourself how this is going to benefit your child to have a mother capable of healing her wounds and having capacity to juggle even more next year.
Often times you guilt yourself, which puts you at the center of the situation when you think about it. But really meeting the situation with curiosity is what truly needs to happen in order to see the full picture, rather than only seeing what your part is, and how it could possibly be selfish.
Swap Productivity for Routine
“I don’t have time” is the most ridiculous excuse I hear as a coach.
Forgive me for being so blunt, but everyone has time. I don’t care how many kids you have, or how many hours you work. Your definition of time has to evolve if you ever want to feel peaceful and not rushed.
The main reason you feel like you don’t have time is because you are not intentional with your time. You work long days, or homeschool and have a long time at home – when you get home or when you finally get a break, you instantly go into soothing mode. You’re looking for decompression in your phone, food, TV, the same book you’ve read 20 times, etc.
If it isn’t “productive” it isn’t productive. Pulling us back into the cycle of guilt. However, if you are to maintain routines that fill you up, your “productivity” is guaranteed to happen every day, and your guilt will fly out of the window.
Guilting yourself and falling into “zoning out” or “doom scrolling” cycles doesn’t decompress you, but it’s actually suppressing. And in order to actually decompress, you have to have a routine to fall into – otherwise, 9 times out of 10 you’ll continue your mindless pattern of suppression.
I wrote an article on how to create a routine here, and another on getting organized, check those out to dive deeper into this pillar.
Swap Inner Critic for Self-Confidence
“I should have done this”, or “I could have done that”, in the wise words of Sr. Miriam, you’ll “should” yourself to death if you aren’t careful.
The world has plenty of people lined up to question our decisions, deflate our confidence, and tell us how bad we are. Why do you jump in with them?
Breaking out of the inner critic cycles of second-guessing, questioning, and putting yourself down is the ONLY way to change how others look at you, too. Humans naturally show respect to the same things those around them do, and if you don’t respect yourself, others won’t respect you.
You don’t want to respect yourself just because you want others to respect you, but it is a huge result of how you treat yourself – and in my experience a great way to measure how you’re feeling and treating yourself.
The easiest way to begin doing this is to stop the negative thoughts when they come in. “I could have done better” can easily be swapped with “I did the best I could with what I had”. This begins a chain of more positive thinking and even more positive outcomes. Working with a coach who is trained in mindset work, like myself, will get you the best results rather than making these swaps all on your own.
If you’d like to work with me, you can learn more about how to do that by clicking here.
Swap Comparison for Compassion
She has it all together, I don’t.
She lost the baby weight, I didn’t.
My career hasn’t taken off as fast as hers.
My family isn’t as ____ as theirs.
I’m broken.
I’m not good enough.
This ties right into the inner critic pillar we just spoke about, but I want to address it separately because I believe comparison is a silent killer.
Harvesting inspiration from the lives of those around you is beautiful and healthy. Harvesting validation and worth from comparing your life to those lives is destructive and unchristlike.
To elaborate, the Lord created each of us to live our own unique lives to glorify Him. Scripture tells us this is true. But what we end up doing by comparing our lives to those around us inevitably tells God that we don’t see value in parts of our lives or in the gifts He gave us.
The way I parent, run my home, and interact with others could be similar to the way others feel called to model their lives. Which is great, right? But, if someone thinks they’re failing or unworthy because they’re not doing it the way I’m doing it means they are devaluing the individual gifts God gave them.
You are not called to dress like her.
You are not called to talk like me.
You are not called to have the same amount of kids as your sister.
You are called to hear Him, and follow His unique instructions for your life.
Find beauty in your life and the lives of others, but don’t let modeling someone else’s idea of beauty become your god.
Leaving the exhausted mom mentality behind
Whether you’re a mom or not, this article is for the woman who is DONE being exhausted all the time. You’re called to live a beautiful life, and I hope raw, very bare-bones article has inspired you to help you get there.
Click here to join a community of women who are growing together, and are putting the exhausted mom mentality behind them.
Until next time,
Audye
Quit Settling for Less
If you are a woman who refuses to settle for less than their unique God-given design, book a free 30-minute consultation session with me.
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