Revisiting Old Wounds
I suffered all week last week.
For the last month or so, I have been dealing with some emotions that I didn’t quite understand. After a lot of therapy and coaching, I had a breakthrough and finally found clarity just a few days ago.
I’ve been grieving something that I had no idea was gone.
An entire season of my life that I lost to survival mode that I hadn’t even realized was lost. I thought I had recognized all of the time I had lost throughout my life, but I found a few precious months in my memory that I had spaced out entirely.
During this time I was living an untrained and unfulfilled life. I couldn’t see the friends that cared for me that were standing right in front of me during the hardship I was enduring. I could only focus on getting through the day, instead of accepting the love being poured out to me.
How many times have you found yourself robbed because you didn’t have the skills you needed?
On the journey of closing this wound, I realized that some old wounds needed to be reopened.
I needed to revisit some past pain, guilt, and rejection so I could allow myself to process everything that I had lost.
Did I want to open them?
Absolutely not. Why would I want to reopen wounds that I finally managed to heal? Why did I want to cause myself more pain?
At the time I was going through this season, I was just trying to survive. Looking back, I have no idea how I could have thought of anything other than that. So I’m not going to blame myself for missing out on the love.
But, it was necessary to revisit the old wounds so I could fully process and put away the overwhelming emotions that I had been dealing with. Had I not done this, the suppression would have eventually caused me to enter into another season of survival mode.
Now that I have the awareness and tools to avoid that, I’m going to put them to good use even if it causes some discomfort.
The harsh truth is this:
I needed to feel the pain and relive the hurt so I can learn to fully appreciate what I have now. So I can remind myself to skill up and I won’t miss this season of my life like I had the one I was grieving.
I want to soak up the present.
Live in the moment.
I want to learn from this past experience instead of sitting in regret.
We can do whatever we set our minds to. Learning a new way to live, process, and function is key to getting us through these hard times.
If you are a woman that is in survival mode, refusing to settle for less, or you need more support as you take control back over your life, join me and a community of multi-generational women at risingtidefellowship.com and catapult yourself into a healthy new season of life.
Until next time,
Audye
Quit Settling for Less
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